weekly fixations | edition 02

Things to fixate on this week — alone, with friends, or with strangers.

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1. This tweet

It’s critical to keep in mind that two people can have vastly different experiences in the same moment. One person might move on from an exchange almost immediately, while the other might replay it in their minds dozens or hundreds of times in the years to come.

2. Habit stacking

As questionable a standard as it may be, I want to look and feel my best for my wedding in October. I’d been neglecting my health and wellness in favor of concentrating my focus elsewhere for some time.

I knew about habit stacking conceptually (popularized in Atomic Habits), but had never taken the time to actually apply it to a set of goals. The logic is that it takes about a month of doing something consistently to develop a new habit — at that point, it’s much lower lift to maintain.

So, if you focus on adding one new habit each thirty days, you set yourself up for sustained compound change.

Here’s what this has looked like for me in practice, in case this helps spark inspiration for your own goals:

Jan | Sleep
Feb | Sleep + Skin
Mar | Sleep + Skin + Exercise
Apr | Sleep + Skin + Exercise + Diet
May | Sleep + Skin + Exercise + Diet + Supplements
Jun | Sleep + Skin + Exercise + Diet + Supplements + Mental health
July »» Maintain

3. This dictionary of human experiences

This collection of definitions will quickly remind you that we, as humans, are not only complex, but also mindblowingly predictable.

4. The forty year career

I’ve been fully employed for about a decade now. In that time I’ve grown immeasurably in context, knowledge, ability, self-awareness, and confidence — twenty two year old mallory is a stranger to me in most ways. It’s exhausting and incredible to reflect on the work, the failures, the confusion, the redirection, the insecurity, the hours, and the advocacy that went into that growth.

When I turn my attention forward, I confront the reality that I will be learning, building and putting work out into the world for — universe willing — at least another two to three decades. An entire second lifetime of learning and evolving.

5. The NYC <> Dublin portal

This portal is second duo in a series, with the others in Lithuania and Poland. Impressively, the artist owns www.portals.org. Against a macro backdrop of AI and virtual reality, the exhibit seems rather rudimentary, but the public reaction tells us otherwise.

I’ve always wanted my own advice column so here we are.

Submit questions anonymously at this link.

A: We’re taught from the very outset of our adulthood that what we do is who we are. I don’t have the data to back this up, but I bet “What do you do?” is one of the most commonly asked questions when first getting to know someone - I know it’s one I lean on, because I assume it’ll tell me quite a bit about the person I’m meeting.

As children we’re all placed on the same road - do well in school, get into a good college, get the best job you can. Then you’ll be happy.

Given all that, how could we not tie our self-worth to our jobs? By asking this question, you’re further along than most in identifying the problems in this approach to life:

1. your company’s ups and downs become your own

2. if you were to lose your job, who would you be?

I’ve navigated three major identity shifts in my adult life - the first was when I left Pinterest, the second was when I was diagnosed with cancer, and the third was when I called off my wedding. I’ll admit, leaving Pinterest was just as hard as the other two, though in writing it seems so much less significant.

The problem was that when I worked at Pinterest, that’s all I did. 100% of my energy went into my work, and the people I worked with.

So here’s where my advice comes in - create a sustainable self - one that’s sustainable because you control it.

No one can take away your values, your hobbies, your belief systems, your opinions, your relationships, or the things you build and own. You can take them from job to job and life phase to life phase. When someone asks you what you do, you can answer with a list of things rather than a position that doesn’t reflect your complete self.

My boundary is remembering that I don’t own the work I do for a company. How much will I give up for something I don’t own or control?

See you next week!

If this was useful or interesting, please forward it to a couple folks who enjoy stretching their brains, exploring the vague, or starting weird conversations at parties. 🙏

❤️ Mallory